Lose Control
- Vijaya Vulapalli
- Mar 27, 2017
- 2 min read
One thing that keeps us away from peace and hence cause all the conflict and chaos is a need for being in control. This need is the toughest thing to give up because of the underlying fear and deep insecurity that is the root of this need. We remain as confused and hurt children as long as we don’t recognise this insecurity and address it. And we keep causing conflict and chaos in our own personal world and world at large until we resolve it within us.
Being in control is the biggest illusion we created out of our ego’s insecurity in this ego driven world. Not a single person is truly in control of what can happen in his or her life. When we think everything is going smooth and is perfectly under control, life throws at us something completely unexpected. No one is truly in control nor can ever be, but that doesn’t stop us from constantly trying to reassure ourselves that by being in control we don’t have to fear so many painful things. We may be able to control few things in our lives that have caused past pain, so that it doesn’t repeat again. But we cannot stop life from hurting us with something completely unexpected. Recognising this vulnerability inherent in being human saves us from a lot of hurt and pain that no amount of striving for control can. That is why vulnerability is the true strength. It liberates us from fear of pain, the core fear behind all our damaging actions and behaviours.
We strive for control because we do not know how to deal with the insecurity and fear of getting hurt or the pain in our lives. But as long as we are seeking to control, we are in fact prisoners of this fear that is driving the need for control. As we are not free anymore, it drives us deeper into fear and insecurity and a much larger need for control. If one individual is desperately trying to control the one they love, always “for their own good”, we can see how both the parties are prisoners, one is a prisoner of fear and the other is of control. This need for control is the main cause of conflict in relationships – being parent and child or spouses or friends.
This need for control in collective conscious becomes more dangerous when it results in dictatorships and worst possible crimes against humanity. Because all the worst dictators or conquerers or even an entire race feeling superior to others, truly believe they are doing it all for the good of the humanity, for saving the humanity by “positive control”. If everyone comes into my way of thinking, feeling and behaving, everything painful in the world will become alright. But this kind of perfect control exists only in our illusion. The only way to reach harmony is to lose the need for control by addressing our own fears and insecurities. The only demon out there is our own fear, and it is a vulnerable beast that needs to be embraced with love not to be conquered by control.