Wiser than years?

As a child, were you serious? Wiser than your years? Many parents proudly proclaim how wise, understanding their children are. But unfortunately it is wisdom born of dysfunctional family environment.

I remember coming across a photograph of mine when I was a toddler quite late in my late teens. Surprisingly only one photograph was there of me for some reason and I didn’t see it until then. Typical of teenage reaction, I loathed that little being in that photograph. An all knowing face, like a very old woman crunched into a tiny body. There is something uncanny about some children who are born like old. Some children are born that way. But many are forced to grow up sooner than their natural age. A lot more than you can imagine. In the past few years I have listened to many women of their troubles and suffering. Almost all of them mention at some point, how their children utter solemn truths wiser than their age. It’s uncanny to hear a ten or eleven year old discourse upon reason for unhappiness of their mother. While it is seen by parents as some achievement or pride, it is often the case of the child being robbed of childhood by family dysfunction. Often in these cases, parents are not getting along with each other or with in-laws or some other family members. Or sometimes it’s a tough financial situation, business loss or some other stressful situation. Or one parent is absent physically or emotionally from scenario. While parents and adults around them are in conflict mode, children take on that as a threat to their safety, security and survival. Instead of growing up in a loving and emotionally safe environment they are being forced to grow up in a conflict zone. No matter how much attention or love is poured upon them, they are bound to feel vulnerable and insecure. In such a threatening situation, in order to maintain their sense of safety, the child is forced to grow up faster than their age and lose innocence and magic of their childhood. It’s not a reason to celebrate. It’s a concern that particular child needs your support to feel safe, secure and protected in your love. If this sounds familiar to you as a parent, treat it as an emergency to provide safety and sense of security to that child. Every child deserves it, you owe a sense of security to your child. On the other hand, if this sounds familiar because you were one of those children, you will now know where your insecurities have started. As an adult you may be trying always to be that wise, responsible person but deep within you feel insecure and unstable. You can hardly trust anyone or that anything will serve your wellbeing. You will have difficulty in making heartfelt connections with people. If this sounds like you, you need to extend your understanding and compassion towards yourself for that lost childhood and the lack of solid foundation of safety. It’s going to be a long process of healing to regain sense of security and trust in others.

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