Do you suffer from chronic indecision?

If you suffer from chronic indecision, you are not alone. There are millions who suffer from agonising indecision in most important aspects of life. For most sufferers, indecision is simply a result of missing an important part of growing up.

I have an array of cousins, nephews and nieces in delightful age of making life decisions. I watch their extreme pendulum-like fluctuations between unmatched enthusiasm and agony over what they are going to do from smallest to biggest choices. One minute they are dead sure they have it all figured out, scorning all adults who are doing everything so wrong. Next minute, they suffer agonies of doubt and lack of confidence to pick up any one course of action. It painfully reminds me of my own teenage woes. Not just in teenage, I suffered from chronic indecision for most of my life. How many of us are still stuck in that awkward ‘coming of age’ drama in some aspects of life? Agonising over what to do in a particular situation but unable to move forward.

As humans, we learn by making choices. These choices may later turn out to be right, or sometimes wrong, for us. But unless we make that choice, we won’t even know what is right for us. That’s the beauty of teenage years, this freedom to make mistakes, learn about ourselves and grow from it. Many people have missed this crucial aspect of their growth, so get stuck in agonising confusion even in adulthood.

We keep getting queries from not just young adults but even grown ups agonising over a marriage decision, about a career choice or some other aspect of life, unable to make a choice. I too was there in same state of mind most of my adulthood. Often not making any choice and allowing life to take its own course. Flowing with life is not bad in itself but if you allow yourself to make choices - good or bad, you will know more about yourself and you grow as a person in the process.

Most of the times, you agonise because you place too much importance on end goal. It doesn’t really matter very much what road you take or what goal you have set yourself. But your inability to make any choice is really damaging. It may look like you just want to make 'the perfect choice', to lead a 'perfect life'. So you keep agonising over what to do to get there. But you are sure to get stuck in limbo and ultimately not getting anywhere.

Check back on your teenage and early adulthood. Did you miss this crucial aspect of growing up? Did you have overbearing parents who never allowed you any choice? Or over cautious parents, who kept telling you what to do to make best of your life? If you were stopped from making your own choices and following your destiny, a little part of you gets stuck in that agonising teenage dilemma. It is a problem because you were never taught to take decisions, follow it up with actions and to take up accountability for the results. Which is most important part of growing up. Just by being aware of how this pattern is built up in your life and how it is impacting you now is empowering. Acknowledge, be compassionate with yourself.

If you suffer from chronic indecision, it may mask fear of making mistakes or a fear of failure or rejection. Check which of your fears are interfering in your decisions. Be honest, face your fears and embrace these fears. Once you acknowledge your fears, you can let yourself off the hook. It’s not your mistake. It's just a pattern built over some time, but it is now in your hands to rebuild a new pattern, by practicing a new way of being. Knowing you have a control over it is also empowering.

It is not hard to work on your decision making muscle. Just remember there are no inherently right or wrong choices. But a decision or a choice once made, chalks out a path. No matter which way this path takes you, it shows you who you are. And you can discover who you are only by making choices and following up with some action. Remember, when you make a choice, if it turns out well, or even if it doesn’t turn out well, it still teaches you a bit about yourself. Constantly remind yourself, it is okay to make mistakes, it is part of learning and growing up. You grow up into who you are by making choices, even if they are mistakes. Having this attitude will ease up pressure on you while making decisions. And by making decisions and following up with actions, it strengthens your decision making skills over time as you will have more clarity about yourself and your choices.

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